New Screenwriters for 'Hellraiser' Remake

Ok, here we go. We've got some news about the Hellraiser remake.

First, it's release is being pushed back four months from September '08 to January '09.

Second, STYD reports that those two dudes who wrote Project Greenlight's Feast, and more recently Saw IV and the upcoming Saw V, Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton, have been signed on by the Weinstein Company to throw their odd brand of clickty-clack onto the upcoming Hellraiser remake...continue reading this article at Geeks of Doom!

The Hellraiser Project: Hellraiser VIII: Hellworld

It's over! Oh, dear sweet Jesus, it's finally over! And not surprisingly, it's a clean sweep. I'd feel better about there not being another Hellraiser movie to watch, if I didn't have to watch Hellraiser: Hellworld to be able to say that. This is the worst of the lot. I know I say that with all of them, but that's only because they each have gotten progressively worse since the fifth one. This just goes to show that when you're in prison, the burly inmates fuck you the hardest the night before you're paroled...continue reading this review at Geeks of Doom!

The Hellraiser Project: Hellraiser VII: Deader

Fear Doomers!

Yet again Dr. Royce Clemens has sallied forth unflinchingly into the ever enchanting world of Hellraiser. The end is so close now that its foul taste drips from each and every word. Succor. Sweet release... we give you The Hellraiser Project Part VII.

Follow us down the dark path and bear witness to the efficient evisceration of Hellraiser: Deader -- now available exclusively at our festering fiends, Fatally-Yours.com:

The Hellraiser Project, Part VII: Hellraiser: Deader

You can follow the trail of blood and gore all the way back to the very beginning with Dr. Clemen's previously penned perception pieces on these perversions of Panovision... [breath] ... here:

The Hellraiser Project, Part I: Hellraiser
The Hellraiser Project, Part II: Hellraiser: Hellbound
The Hellraiser Project, Part III: Hellraiser: Hell on Earth
The Hellraiser Project, Part IV: Hellraiser: Bloodline
The Hellraiser Project, Part V: Hellraiser: Inferno
The Hellraiser Project, Part VI: Hellraiser: Hellseeker

For those of you out there punching your lift ticket, that's seven down and only ONE left. Someone call the authorities... please, for Royce's sake!

The Hellraiser Project: Hellraiser VI: Hellseeker

Hellraiser VI: Hellseeker

I've heard from people that have had appendicitis, that when you press down on your stomach, it relieves the pain a little bit, but when you take your hand away, it hurts even worse. Like the inflamed organ is making up for lost time.

So it should have come as no surprise that after taking some time off for Thanksgiving and some other family related stuff, I come back to The Hellraiser Project just in time for Hellraiser: Hellseeker, which is the worst of the franchise. It's a jumble of flashbacks, dream sequences, and hallucinations with a "surprise ending" as the cherry on top. It's like Donnie Darko, except Patchouli-smelling theatre chicks won't sleep with you if you say you liked it...continue reading this review at Geeks of Doom!

The Hellraiser Project: Hellraiser: Inferno

It's that time again boys and girls. Time for another installment of Dr. Royce Clemen's self-flagellating foray into the disparate corners of the Hellraiser DVD omnibus... The Hellraiser Project.

Come along with us if you dare, and witness the slow, excruciatingly painful dissection of Hellraiser: Inferno -- now available exclusively at our partners in prostration, Fatally-Yours.com:

The Hellraiser Project, Part V: Hellraiser: Inferno

You can follow the trail of blood and gore all the way back to the very beginning with Dr. Clemen's previously penned perception pieces on these perversions of Panovision... [breath] ... here:

The Hellraiser Project, Part I: Hellraiser
The Hellraiser Project, Part II: Hellraiser: Hellbound
The Hellraiser Project, Part III: Hellraiser: Hell on Earth
The Hellraiser Project, Part IV: Hellraiser: Bloodline

Well, that's five down and three to go. Will Royce make it through alive? Will he ever be the same? Will he punch Clive Barker right in the nuts if he is ever given the chance?

Stay tuned.

The Hellraiser Project: Hellraiser IV: Bloodline

It is an article of resentment of my name becoming synonymous with a certain pin-headed sadomasochist from the far reaches of hell, that when good ol’ Pinhead showed up on this last week’s episode of South Park getting beheaded in Imaginationland by Jesus Christ, every atheistic impulse in my body fell by the wayside as I screamed “GET HIS ASS! FUCK ‘IM UP, LORD!”

This could be the first signs of stir craziness at this assignment, or that I have seen the first truly awful Hellraiser movie, Hellraiser: Bloodline. This movie blows not only goats, but everything in the barnyard and THEN rims the farmer. Those of you thinking I was being too good-natured about an undertaking such as this and WISHING for my old motherfucker self to pop up need wait no longer. I barely even made it through the opening credits alive, once I saw that this little flicker-show is directed by one Alan Smithee.

For those of you not in the know, here is the story of Alan Smithee: He doesn’t actually exist, but rather he is the pseudonym that the Director’s Guild of America places on movies that had creative control wrested from their directors by the studios and executives. The name has covered the work of people like Don Siegel (Dirty Harry) and Academy Award nominee Arthur Hiller (Love Story) for Death of a Gunfighter and Burn Hollywood, respectively. So if ever you see the name Alan Smithee on a movie, know that this movie was not made by a director who knows about film, but by a suit who knows only demographics...continue reading this review at Geeks of Doom!

The Hellraiser Project: Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth

There is a list I keep in my mind of the things I really wish I could have gone my whole life not seeing. If I had not seen a couple of these things, I might be a little more well-adjusted and less mean as catshit. They’re not all gruesome, mind you, but if there’s a God, he’d have called foul by now, a yellow flag, SOMETHING! Things like…

-That damned “Mission Accomplished” banner.

-The details of Bill O’Reilly’s phone sex conversations.

-Any episode of Saturday Night Live past the ’01 season.

-Four words and a hyphenate: “Aaron Boone walk-off home run.”

With all the depravity, deceit, and just plain ooginess on display in those four examples, a disembodied cervix that has hydraulic equipment embedded in it is the chumpiest of chump change, which is what’s on display in this week’s installment. I don’t know how it’s gonna pan out in quality, but in terms of grisly imagery at least, I have a feeling that The Hellraiser Experiment might just be more easier than I thought...continue reading this review at Geeks of Doom!

The Hellraiser Project

To make a long story short…

I reviewed the twentieth anniversary DVD of Hellraiser for Fatally-Yours.com because, well, it’s been twenty years and I hadn’t seen the Goddamn thing. I didn’t like it and, as I am wont to do, said so, and quite loudly.

The response in a circle or two was not kind, calling me “delusional” and claiming that I “didn’t get it.” This was so entertaining that I reviewed the second one, Hellhound: Hellraiser II, with largely similar results. People I didn’t talk to a whole lot started leaving me messages and some dude who knows the WRITER of the second one left a comment on my MySpace blog, it’s all just fuckin’ weird. I just wanted to review ONE movie, and I got sucked into a world of horrible dialogue and S & M posing.

One of those attentive readers was Dave, one of my editor at Geeks of Doom, who is also a die hard Clive Barker fan. He wanted me to tear something he calls Hellraiser IV: Pins In Space a new asshole. I told him I couldn’t do this without seeing the third one, to which he consented to post on GoD.

Being as I’m in for penny after penny at this point (and there being a remake on the horizon), I might as well be in for the whole pound. Which is why, in partnership with both Fatally-Yours and Geeks of Doom, I am both pleased and sickened to announce The Hellraiser Project. Why stop at just reviewing the four that went to theaters, when I can do the ones that went to video as well? I’ll be switching back and forth from site to site, leaving my depressed little movie droppings when it comes to this franchise...continue reading this apparent assault on Dr. Royce's sanity at Geeks of Doom!